Oath of Secrecy

Hello fellow travelers, I hope you haven’t abandoned the paper planes while I was away. I have disappeared for various reasons, the most obvious one is the serious lack of inspirations that I have been going through. I’ve been trying quite a lot and checked in daily on the blog, but in vain. Maybe this will get me back on track, I’ve missed writing here. Thank you for sticking around.
T.O.P.P.

He stood out of the crowd.
He loved to believe that. But even if he did, it would be for wrong and unflattering reasons.
Every night, he lay in bed for a few minutes, he stared into the darkness and sank into his thoughts. he’d usually fall asleep by the time the clock struck one. But he never slept too much and it only took a couple of hours before he opened his eyes again, more tired than before his short rest.
Just last night, he cried. Never really figuring out why, but he couldn’t stand it anymore. His mind kept going back to their disappointed stares. They were judging him, unintentionally maybe, but judging nevertheless. It was overwhelming and broke his heart into pieces.
Little things seem to matter a lot more than they should, making him constantly restless and nervous. A silent stare that lasted a second too long, a short sigh, a dish not cooked to perfection, an accident somewhere, a temporary lack of affection. It was nerve–racking.
He had to admit it’s been a tough year so far. Not that he was too optimistic but it exceeded his worst expectations.
He had a hard time expressing that out loud. Even though, they’d probably say it was the only thing he’s been talking about lately. And they weren’t completely wrong.
Maybe he should learn to manage his ideas better, he should keep some things to himself, hide his darkest thoughts in the deepest drawers of his brain and show them instead how interested he was in their lives – because he truly was.
“If there was ever a time to seize the day, now was that time.” He laughed. As if he never tried that one before.
Maybe one day they would see things eye to eye but for now, he would make an oath of silence and secrecy. Patience and prayers. He couldn’t see any other way out of this mess.
But in the end, maybe it really didn’t matter, he thought.
And in that moment, he had nothing else left to say.

 

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