All Grown-Up Now

– Where were you last night? You didn’t answer my messages.

– I saw her.

– Oh! How did it go?

– She wanted us to have some time alone so she invited me for dinner. To this restaurant, we always went to before. Had a nice meal and few drinks.

– Did you talk?

– We did.

– And?

– She said that she understands why I need to leave and that she will miss me.

– She understands that she’s the reason you’re leaving.

– She does. She was so mature about it. You know it was a much-needed conversation.

– Why didn’t you tell me about that when you went home?

– Because I didn’t go home.

– What? Did something happen? After dinner?

– Kinda.

– You spent the night with her?

– She insisted, practically begged me for it and she had a point.

– A point?

– I had a lot of wine. I wasn’t sure I could drive that far.

– So what happened there? At her place?

– We kept on talking about the flight and the apartment I rented and the classes I’m most excited for. And then we were really tired. And…

– And what?

– She wouldn’t let me sleep on the couch.

– Oh no!

– So we slept on the same bed.

– This is bad.

– She asked me to hold her. So I did. Then after a while, we switched positions and she held me tight. And about 3 AM, I was still up, couldn’t sleep. She woke up as well and asked me not leave. I said I’m staying until morning but by 10, I’ll have to be home. I have to pack. She insisted. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I can’t stand the idea of you being so far. And then she started kissing me.

– I knew it!

– I told her that we shouldn’t be doing this. She wouldn’t listen. I insisted that we weren’t together anymore. I kept remind her that she was seeing someone else and that I don’t want to be that kind of a person.

– And?

– She stopped. She apologized. For everything. She kissed my forehead, wish me good luck and all good things then put her arms around my waist and closed her eyes. Get some sleep, she said, you need it. I didn’t sleep for a second of course.

– Making the most of the moment?

– I love her smell. I love her kisses.

– I know. It’ll be easier when you come back, I promise.

– You realise that I’m not coming back, right Liz? This whole Masters abroad thing is just a cover-up. I want to start over.

– You can start over here. Fall for someone else. Build your future…

– I can’t. Everything in here is about her. Everything in there will be about her too, but at least there, I can’t go see her everytime I’m missing her. And eventually, I’ll move on.

– What about me?

– What do you mean?

– How can you start over without your best friend? Won’t you miss me? Or is it only about her in your heart and mind?

– My best friend is tougher than anyone I know. She can handle anything. It’s me she should worry about.

– Nope. I won’t be worrying about your ass. You’re choosing to run away.

– Come on, Liz! I’m not running away. I’m starting over.

– Okay “starting over”, got it.

– You don’t think I’ve been miserable about having to leave you? I wanted to ask you to come with me. But you have a good thing going for you. You’re getting married, you got promoted. Things are looking up. I don’t want to jeopardise that.

– I was waiting for you to ask me that. I would have said yes. I would have joined your adventure.

– I know. Exactly why I didn’t ask you.

– Look at you all grown-up now. Sometimes I wish I could have the childish, so-far-from-mature version of you. It suits you better.

– Amen to that!

– Cheers.

– I’ll miss you.

– Makes two of us.

– You’ll come to the wedding?

– I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

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