I’m no longer twenty

I woke up today determined to seriously change the way my life is going, determined to find answers to all the questions that have been haunting me for the past twenty years or so. Because yes, I am at an age where I can say “twenty years ago”.

You see I’m no longer twenty. Well actually, that’s an understatement since I’m almost thirty. As I come closer to those scary double digits, a billion idea goes through my brain.

Do you feel sometimes that things are out of your control? That time is flying by and you’re there witnessing so much change that you cannot do anything about? Do you feel like yesterday you were barely graduating from school and here you are surrounded by friends getting engaged, married, having kids, succeeding in their careers, making money, being all responsible? On the other hand, you’re not ready for any of it yet. Things are moving on such a fast pace that you can’t keep up with them anymore.

Is it that bad that I just want to spend days not leaving the house playing video games for five hours straight, eating chips, drinking soda and not having to worry about a paycheck or about being a freelance and the risk of not having work tomorrow or next week. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even allowed to think that way at my age.

I may be turning thirty soon but I really don’t know how time passed. I don’t only feel much younger than that, I feel like my mental age is still cruising in its teenage years. Maybe this is some sort of a wake-up call because I always thought being twenty is going to last, which is totally naive. I guess I never really pictured myself growing up. But now, I’m left with no choice and I really really must grow up.

So on the eve of my twenty-sixth birthday, I decide to make the absolute best of these four years, to grow up on my own pace and to come of age at the right time


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