Sometimes you don’t realize how desperate you actually are until you lose what you find the most precious.
At that point, you understand that they saved you and kept you breathing. This is when everything becomes crystal clear: you are nothing without them. They may hurt you or disappoint you sometimes, you might not agree on everything but one thing remains true, they are the reason you are still alive to this day, they are the reason you wake up everyday with the willingness to live another day, with the joy of being alive.
And if one moment they’re gone, your entire world collapses right before your eyes and this love for life disappears instantly. And not for a short while, it vanishes forever.
Because the one thing that actually matters has been taken away and you’re left with a huge hole where your heart use to be. It’s simple math really: if you were nothing before them, then you’re a 0. Add them to your life that’s a 0+1 equals 1. Now that they’re gone, you’re nothing again.
And you’re left with a terrible morbid feeling of complete hopelessness and a single lonely wish: to be granted a quick and strong painkiller and finally get some rest.